Foolproof Guac

So guacamole is delicious and basically impossible to mess up. I was at my parents' house for Mother's Day and I made some as a mid-afternoon snackie. Forgive the quality of the images. I took them with my cell phone. Later i had to scrape off the bits of garlic that had cemented themselves to the screen. Speaking hyperbolically, of course.

The ingredients:


Squish the garlic and remove the skins


Mince them as small as you can


Then add a pinch of salt and use the side of the blade of your knife to squish the garlic further. What you're trying to achieve is a paste so you won't bite into a chunk of garlic.


Throw the garlic into a medium-sized mixing bowl, then turn your attention to your lovely jalapeno.

Cut the stem end off then slice it in half lengthwise.


Then slice these into matchsticks


Then cut them into tiny cubes and dump in the bowl with the garlic.


You can cut the seeds out before dicing the peppers if you're wimpy, but I think it really compromises the flavor. So I take it back. Don't do it. If you're really sensitive, use half a jalapeno.

Now take the tomato and cut out the stem-end core thing. Whatever it is. It doesn't have to be neat. No one will know!


Then cut it in half horizontally and scoop out the seeds with a spoon. Throw them out. They just make the guac watery.


Now dice it


Again, you do not get extra points for neatness, so don't bother. I only did it nice because I am immortalizing my handiwork with a camera. Just make them little bite-sized pieces. Half-inch dice are good. Toss them in the bowl.

Now finally you get to play with the avocadoes. Ah, Avocado, I could write an epic poem to thee, but thou wouldst turn brown by the second stanza so I shall not. Today.

Cut the avocado in half lengthwise (carefully!) and remove the pit by hacking into it with your knife blade then twisting. I say hacking, but really, be gentle. I don't have to tell you the horrors of slicing your palm open so I will leave it at that. Then, without slicing through the skin slice the avocado both horizontally and vertically. A butter knife is good for this.


Now take a large spoon and scoop out the flesh into the bowl.


Repeat with all the avocados.

At this point squeeze some lemon juice into the bowl. If i had to measure (which i rarely do), I'd wager about 2 tablespoons. You could use lime juice, but it's not as good. I've tried it.

Now chop up some cilantro and add it to the bowl. I used about a quarter cup (chopped), but next time I'll probably use a bit less. In fact, the cilantro is 100% optional and I usually leave it out myself, except my parents had it lying around.


Oh, by the way, the cilantro stems are totally edible too so chop them right up as well!

Now use your large avocado scooping spoon (or a fork) and start mixing up the ingredients. You want the avocado broken up quite a bit, but to still be a bit chunky. At this point adjust your seasonings. I'd add another generous pinch of salt (about 3/4 teaspoon, or to taste) and a bit more lemon juice if desired.


To keep leftovers (as if!) from turning brown, place a layer of plastic wrap directly on the surface of the guac and refrigerate.